I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
