He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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