He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
