Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
