Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize