What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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