i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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