look no pants
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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