Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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