i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
