It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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