That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
