wat bout pragnant strippers??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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