Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
