I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
