Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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