He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
