the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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