I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
