Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
