East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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