# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
