If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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