Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
