I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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