i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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