..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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