All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
