Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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