imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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