How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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