dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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