i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
