Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize