We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
