Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
