it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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