You're completely useless in the revolution.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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