is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
