you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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