I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
