she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
