my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
