If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
