those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
