I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
