i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
