I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
