My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
