I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
