I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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