ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
