Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
