community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
