Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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