That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize