I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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