He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
