her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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