let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
