I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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