i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your dad touched me again.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
