bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there's paper in my vomit.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
