so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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