so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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