So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
