I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
