ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
