it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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