dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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