I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
