There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize