someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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