I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
