Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
