Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
