Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Enjoy the penises
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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