YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
