i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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