You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we're so committed to being not committed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
