I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
