I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
