I hate your face
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
